From Bookstore Shelves to Author Bookings

Now that "Caregiver's Guide for Canadians" has been published nationally, I have had to change my proverbial hat I have worn for the past number of months. While I remain the book's author, I have also become a book marketer - an interesting and exciting experience!

I am delighted to be working with Sarah of Self-Counsel Press (truly a publicity firecracker!). Sarah has successfully arranged a number of impressive media interviews ... a sampling from that list is below:

• Big Breakfast TV - Edmonton, AB
• The Edmonton Journal
• CBC Radio - BC Almanac
• Global News - Early Edition

I've been working at this as well and have landed the following attention:

• Author Signing at Strathcona Chapter's bookstore - Edmonton, AB
• Author Signing at Southpoint Chapter's bookstore - Edmonton, AB
• Author Interview on 94.1 CJOC.FM (The Lounge) Radio - Lethbridge, AB
• Author Talk at Rotary Club luncheon - Edmonton, AB
• Articles published in Real Estate Weekly (Edmonton), The Calgary Sun and The Medicine Hat News
• Author Appearance at Touchmark at Wedgewood's Lunch & Launch - Edmonton, AB
• Author Appearance at Strathcona Library's Book Sale and Fair - Strathcona County, AB
• Two forthcoming Author Signings at Strathcona Chapter's bookstore - Edmonton, AB (January 15, 2011 and February, 2011 - Date To be Announced)
• Forthcoming Author Signing at West Edmonton Mall Chapter's bookstore - Edmonton, AB (January, 2011 - Date to be Announced)

Interested in having me appear at your event or speak to your group? Please e-mail me at cdncaregiver@gmail.com. Stay tuned to this blog for more information coming soon!

Feeling "Grinchy" at Christmas Time is Okay

"The Whos down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not. The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Oh please don't ask why ... no one quite knows the reason."

From one of Dr. Suess' finest tales, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", this quote may well describe your mood coming up to the festive season. You may be feeling more gloomy than merry and this can be expected should Mom or Dad be confined to a long-term care facility and be unable to join you and the family. No one, of course, can make you feel happy if you do not feel so but times change and family traditions must change with them. This can easier said then done, however. One of the best ways I discovered to better enjoy the holiday cheer was to do something charitable ... my choice over the past number of years has been to contribute a frozen turkey to a local radio station's food bank drive. Giving to those less fortunate can be immensely rewarding and can be a good way to feel better about things yourself.

Here are a number of other ideas to help you find your own Christmas cheer:

• Dig out your mother's favourite Christmas decorations and hang them on your tree.
• Go carolling with your family.
• Reduce the number of house guests over Christmas and keep gift-opening to a minimum.
• Sit by the fire with a good book.
• Create new family traditions.
• Place a photo of your mother or father in a prominent and special place in your own home (this way, your parent can still "join" you without physically being there).

Accept the fact that you are not the only one grieving at Christmas time. Even if your own heart feels two sizes too small, there can be a good reason for this. Christmas is a time for family and when family is not able to participate, you will need to accept and adapt.

Making Christmas Merry for All

The upcoming Christmas season may seem like an ideal time to bring Mom or Dad to your home to help celebrate. While this is an excellent idea, some caution must be exercised so that you and your parent(s) better enjoy the day to its fullest.

Begin with ensuring the sidewalk is clear of ice and snow. Slippery conditions can become dangerous when one is already unsteady. Clear enough snow so that you can walk beside your loved one (rather than behind or in front of) and provide support. Provide some increased traction by sprinkling cat sand on your walkway and any steps up to your door. Tighten any loose hand railings as well to provide increased stability.

Clear away discarded wrapping paper - immediately. Gift wrap eagerly ripped off of presents can be scattered about the floor. Should Mom or Dad wish to stand up and move around, the gift wrap under foot may become a hazard.

Occupy children. Youngsters love the Christmas season and can squeal with delight with gifts received. Sudden noises can, however, startle an older individual (I remember my father strongly disliked these). Suggest that your kids play elsewhere than the living room so that your parent can enjoy some quieter moments. Better yet, take your children outside. Organize a skating party, build a snow fort out in the back yard or go toboggoning ... Mom or Dad may be able to catch a quick nap.

Limit the parental visit. While it may be tempting for you to involve your parent for the entire Christmas day, remember that he/she will tire more easily. Choose your visiting time carefully ... you will likely know by now when Mom or Dad is most cognizant. If your parent does not join you for Christmas dinner, why not wrap up a plate of turkey and take it over to your parent's care facility?

Adjust some family traditions. Mom may not exactly remember her gravy recipe; Dad may not be able to effectively carve the turkey. Now is the time for other family members to step in and fill those roles. Certainly do what you can to maintain the older traditions, but why not look to create some new ones as well?

Visiting With Mom or Dad

Once you get Mom or Dad successfully placed into a care facility, you will want to visit. Your cheerful smile will bring joy; your company will be appreciated. As for when to visit, this presents another question entirely. Here are a few guidelines to follow:

Refrain from stopping in at dinner time. Meal time at care facilities can be hectic, what with care staff scurrying around ensuring that every resident gets fed. The clatter of dishes being cleared away can be noisy as well, thus restricting any conversation between you and your loved one.

Avoid any regularly scheduled "care" time for your parent. A routine physiotherapy appointment or even a bath is not the time to stop in and expect to spend some quality moments with a parent.

Steer clear of "nap time". If your parent likes to routinely doze on a Sunday afternoon right after lunch, let him/her do this. Older bodies need more rest. Think of how friendly you might be if you were woken up - even by a well-meaning family member.

Check in with facility management to confirm what level of access you will have. Some facilities will allow family members to visit on a 24/7 basis while others will impose restrictions. Get to know your parent's schedule at the facility and respect those times of the day or evening when visiting is not appropriate. By doing so, you will have stays which are better for the both of you!

An Overlooked Support Mechanism for Caregivers

Support can take different forms for family caregivers. There are the immediate contacts who can provide support for a caregiver by minding Mom or Dad on a temporary basis. There are the healthcare professionals who provide medical expertise to keep Mom or Dad as healthy as possible. There are the financial planners who make monetary recommendations to grow or maintain a parent's personal wealth. One type of support which may not be immediately obvious is a support group.

While you may hesitate to even think of joining such a group, please don't dismiss it too quickly. Support groups can provide a very safe and supportive environment where participants can share. Such groups are led by qualified staff who may even invite in guest speakers to lecture on certain topics. It might even be possible for group participants to be polled as to what they want to learn and a specific presenter could then be sought out.

You may well be nervous to even sit in with a support group. This is perfectly natural. Depending on just how open you are, it can be difficult to share difficult feelings. Know that participation in a support group is not forced; however, it is always encouraged. After all, the more you put in, the more you will get out of the process.

If you just cannot see yourself joining a support group, consider individual counselling ... this will provide an outlet for you to air your concerns to a nonjudgemental individual. By doing so, you are less likely to bottle up all of these weighty negatives which can affect your mood, your sleep, your appetite, your relationships and your own health. Those specialists who can offer individual counselling include pyschiatrists, psychologists, social workers and mental health workers. Shop around and choose someone who you are comfortable speaking with.

A Caregiver's Rights

You may well have seen or heard these before, but I wanted to share them here. These are a number of Caregiver's Rights, which emphasize what must remain important to you as you continue to tend to the needs of an aging parent. Unfortuneately, the author of these Rights remains anonymous so I cannot give him/her full credit; however, I would like to sincerely thank the original writer for sharing these thoughts. Print these rights out and tape them to your bathroom mirror to remain conspicuous each day. Also, feel free to add to these rights, as you see fit.

I have the right:

• To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of myself.
• To seek help from others even though my relative may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
• To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would do if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything I reasonably can for this person and I have the right to do some things for myself.
• To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occassionally.
• To reject any attempt by my relative (either conscious or subconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
• To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance for what I do from my beloved one for as long as I offer these same qualities in return.
• To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my relative.
• To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no longer needs my full-time help.
• To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired older persons in our country, similiar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.