Sunday, January 30, 2011

Author Photo from Words in the Park


The author at work promoting his book at the Strathcona Library's "Words in the Park" event ...


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Walking in a Caregiver's Shoes

I often wonder about friends of caregivers who try to console by sympathetically saying, "I understand what you're going through". But do they really understand? I personally believe that a person cannot really comprehend what a caregiver goes through unless he/she has done it personally. Maybe that is the "visual" side of me speaking; however, this makes perfect sense as one often has to experience something to truly understand it.

There are far better responses. First, try to learn what you can about your friend's parent's health condition. Go to the library or surf the Internet to gain knowledge. Just please be mindful of the on-line source ... perhaps look at the writer's credentials and/or the date of the last update of the material written. With learning more about a health condition, you can speak more knowledgeably about it.

Second, just listen. As I have learned from getting out in the public eye and promoting my book, caregivers do want to talk - I have heard many stories of aging parents and the related troubles. I believe the key here is for the person caregivers choose to dialogue with must be trustworthy. As for me? Caregivers obviously know that I have gone through a similar experience and I can relate. Yes, I can do so and I can sympathize - another important characteristic. Often, just allowing a caregiver to vent will allow him/her to release some pent up frustration and stress.

Third, ask how you can help. Assistance can take many forms ... perhaps you can look after the caregiver's own children for the day to allow some much-needed respite time? Maybe you can save a caregiver the trip to the grocery store by doing this yourself? Possibly you can shovel their sidewalks clear of snow? As you can see, "help" does not always mean hands-on help. Even the offer of help can be greatly appreciated by a caregiver.

By all means, continue to sympathize and support caregivers, but please think twice before saying, "I understand what you are going through". Do you truly understand?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Pets: Pleasing or Pests?

Is buying a pet for an aging parent a good idea? It depends on the animal. While pets provide enjoyment, companionship and love, they can be a huge responsibility for an owner, no matter what his/her age. Dogs, for example, can be very challenging ... they must be properly trained as well as taken outside to do their "business" on a regular basis.

In chatting with one caregiver recently, she shared how she had given into her mother's requests and bought a puppy. The puppy, of course, was very playful and would often jump up on this woman's mother's legs to greet her. One cannot blame the puppy for this as it was just naturally delighted to see her, but, in doing so, the puppy badly scratched the mother's lower legs continually - a very painful experience. This woman's mother did not have the energy to properly train it so the puppy continued to do so as well as ransack the mother's home, chewing everything in sight. Instead of becoming a faithful friend, the puppy turned out to become more of a menace.

With giving a dog to Mom or Dad, the animal will, likely and ultimately, become your responsibility. You may have to train the dog, walk it and even perhaps feed it (if Mom or Dad begins to overlook this). Chances are that you will not have the time or the energy to add these additional jobs to your plate. If you still like the idea of bringing a dog into your parent's home, do so on a temporary basis. Leash up your own dog (or a friend's) for a shorter visit ... pet therapy has been proven effective for older individuals. I have seen a number of long-term care centres offer this type of program for those living there or have a resident cat (which can happily survive with much less constant attention). This type of arrangement is far preferred.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

To Prepare or Not to Prepare?

To prepare for caregiving or not to prepare? I ask this question after meeting a middle-aged woman at a recent book-signing I participated in at a local Chapter's bookstore, She was unwilling to accept the possibility of her ever being required to provide care for her mother. Her mother, at 83 years old, remained the picture of good health ... she walked briskly each day and her mind was as sharp as ever.

Looking towards the future remains a person's own choice. As an advocate of preparation, I recommend planning ahead - even with these uncertain times, there are many things that you and your family can prepare for. With that said, I must add that I do not want you to completely drop your own life in expectation (I can relate this to sitting by the telephone waiting for a phone call which may or may not ever occur).

Nor do I want to instill fear into you. You may never need to step forward as a caregiver. Your parent may peacefully pass away while sleeping overnight ... if so, consider this a blessing.

Make some modest plans now considering what may happen with Mom or Dad. Consider what might happen to either of them and secure help where this will be needed. Might you need to find a qualified home renovator to refurbish the parental home to allow for wheelchair access within it? Who in your family will do what? Could you tour one or two long-term care facilities in your city/town to determine its appropriateness?

But, by all means, don't put your own life "on-hold" with an anticipation for the worst. Perhaps your parent will live for another 10 - 15 years? In the meantime, you have your own life, your work, your family to attend to.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Quality of Life: Just What Does This Mean?

I've been thinking a great deal lately about the term "quality of life". When it comes to long-term care, these words are frequently bantered about ... sure, they sound good, but what do they really mean? The truth of the matter is that "quality of life" will mean different things to different people. "Quality of life" will also be practiced or provided in completely different forms as well. For the senior's family, this vague term may suggest the highest standards in accommodation and professional care while for longterm facility staff, "quality of life" may be defined as providing a senior three square meals per day, a shared room and proper medication dispensing.

The bottom line for caregivers is to identify what "quality of life" means to their parent and then practice this as diligently as possible. With my own parents, both insisted on being able to "contribute meaningfully" in some way. Even this statement can be misinterpreted, but what Mom and Dad never wanted was to be kept alive by artificial means. I can't say that I blame them in the least.

If your parent(s) is/are still cognitively aware, meet with them and openly discuss their future wants. Clarify any misunderstandings and get their final wishes written down on paper. If this is impossible, then look to your parent's living will ... chances are good that this issue will be covered.

Remember, that "quality of life" can be a highly confusing term; however, respect what your mother or father wants.
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